Hetalia Psychiatric Hospital
by FarRarAway
Summary: Kiyoko Honda (Fem!Japan) has just been voluntarily admitted in to a psychiatric ward. Here she meets a slew of interesting characters, all with their own problems and insecurities. (I'm going for a less depressing spin on mental disorders. Nyotalia character warning ((see inside for more details)).)
1. An Introduction

_**Thank you for reading the first chapter of Hetalia Psychiatric Hospital! There is a better description of this story (and what it has set out to accomplish) at the bottom. Nyotalia characters:**_

 _ **Fem!Japan: Kiyoko Honda**_

 _ **Fem!Estonia: Edita von Bock**_

 _ **Fem!Greece: Hespera Karpusi**_

 _ **Fem!Poland: Felicyta Lukasiewicz**_

 _ **Fem!Finland: Tuuli Vainamoinen**_

 _ **Fem!England: Alice Kirkland**_

 _ **Fem!Romano: Lovina Vargas**_

 _ **And anybody else that I haven't foreseen**_

* * *

"Good morning, Ms. Honda. How are you today?" Edita von Bock greeted me with a pleasant smile.

"I-I'm fine. T-thank you for asking, Ms. von Bock. How are you?" I stuttered, still uncomfortable in her presence. I began wringing my fingers as the familiar grip of fear seized at me.

The blonde woman just smiled, not noticing my discomfort I assumed. As she adjusted her glasses she said, "I'm doing well, thank you." She paused to rifle through some papers in her hands, "I understand you voluntarily admitted yourself here after it was recommended by your doctor?" I blushed, giving a curt nod and quickly turning my head away from her out of embarrassment. "What are you here for?" My heart seized. I understand that these doctors like to hear exactly what's effecting their patients from their own mouths... but couldn't she just look at the diagnosis on my medical history chart?

"Anxiety."

She tilted her head, causing her bangs to shift to the side and her ponytail to fall into view, "Would you care to elaborate, Ms. Honda?"

 _Oh god, this woman is doing this on purpose._ I flushed even darker, a lump forming in my throat. _How do I explain this?_ My breathing threatened to become labored. I reminded myself to lock it down and relax. I do this all the time, it seldom works.

"I worry, a lot, and I don't like being around people." _There, that's vague enough without revealing enough to feel stupid, right?_

Edita nodded, "Thank you, Ms. Honda. I apologize. I just needed to hear you explain it in your own words."

I nodded stiffly, still focused on relaxing. My hands gripped the arms of the chair I was sitting in.

 _Holy crap she probably thinks I'm a nut case._

 _No, she doesn't. Well, probably she does. But, even if she did it wouldn't matter. She works in a mental hospital, she is probably super nice and understanding._

 _Probably._

 _Stop it. Calm down, now._

"Ms. Honda?"

I snapped my head up to look at her. "I'm s-so sorry. Did you say something?"

Edita von Bock stood, made her way to the door and opened it, gesturing out of it she said, "Come with me. I'll show you to your room. Is that fine?"

 _Why wouldn't it be?_ "Y-yes."

Edita walked in a very confident manner, I observed. Her strides were calm and calculated, accompanied by the clacking of her kitten heels on the linoleum tiles. I imagined that the way she walked was similar to the way her mind worked. Ms. Von Bock didn't seem the type to doubt herself or her intellect.

I drew my mind away from the lady leading me toward my surroundings. As the idea of what this collected lady thought of me was beginning to fill my mind with doubts.

The Hetalia Mental Hospice was, despite my earlier fears very pretty and not at all prison like. It was incredibly different from what I originally suspected. In fact, this building gave off a peaceful and calming vibe, one that I much appreciated.

At first I believed the walls to be an off-white. But, upon further inspection I found them to be a pleasantly serene light blue. While I found the wall color pleasing, I did not however, find the never ending hallway we suddenly found ourselves in nice at all.

After a few moments of my growing anxiety she came to a halt in front of a door labeled 31. "This will be your room." Edita said as she turned the knob to open the door. I glanced inside warily and almost breathed a sigh of relief when I found that it was just a normal room. I stepped inside to more closely examine my new living space. The same light blue in the halls adorned the walls. It was very nice even if it was sparsely populated with only a bed and desk. I enjoyed the accents of gold I kept noticing. It was easy to pretend that I would be staying in a hotel. I turned back to the door to find Edita gazing at me thoughtfully. I flushed under her gaze.

"Your attendant will be in shortly to discuss your schedule with you. She will be present often to administer your medication and to make sure you obey the schedule."

 _She's convinced I'll try to skip group therapy. She isn't wrong._ I bowed to her, my short black hair and bangs falling in my face, "Thank you, Ms. von Bock. I will try my best."

"I'm glad to hear it." She said. I expected her to leave after that, but she paused in the doorway. I looked up at her quizzically, "Yes, Ms. von Bock?"

She looked at me startled for a moment. "Oh, yes. I'm sorry. It's just that... may I call you Kiyoko?"

I flushed a deep red, "U-um yes. I suppose if you wanted to I couldn't stop you."

She smiled at me, "Then I'd appreciate it if you called me Edita, Kiyoko." I nodded and just like that, she was gone.

Minutes later my attendant bustled into the room. She kind of just barged in too. Which made me start in surprise. She spoke a mile a minute, I barely caught her name (which was Silvia). She thrust a glass of water and a small plastic cup with a lone pill into my hands and demanded I take it. I quickly complied, slightly afraid of this assertive person. After a completely one-sided chat with Silvia I decided she wasn't all that bad. She spoke enough so that I didn't have to and while she still made me uncomfortable I found her meaningless small talk to be non-threatening and easy to handle.

Silvia told me that I shouldn't expect dramatic results with the medication right away. That I had to build it up in my system before I would notice a change. She said this could take a month or longer. After that she dragged me to my first therapy session.

My first _group_ therapy session.

I blanched, "N-no." I stated.

Silvia turned to me and blinked, surprised at my outburst. I had been silent and compliant up until now, I guess she wasn't expecting me to deviate from my previous behavior. I gave her a defiant look.

She then proceeded to guilt me into going with her. Needless to say I didn't hold up long. I may be uncomfortable around people, but my weakness happens to be making others happy. As she dragged me towards my impending doom all I could think was, _What kind of messed up hospital is this?!_

Then I realized that I was in the psych ward and my question was redundant.

* * *

I stared at the door with obvious distaste, I could hear shouts and a general ruckus coming from the room that lie behind it. I looked back toward Silvia with a pleading expression. She just rolled her eyes, opened the door and ushered me inside, quickly closing it behind me.

As soon as I entered the room went silent. I shrunk back toward the door, my only means of escape, eyeing my surroundings with trepidation. There were fifteen chairs all arranged in a circle. Fourteen were occupied, their occupants all staring at me.

 _Oh god, why me?_

I bowed my head, face flushed and breathing heavy, I scurried toward the only empty seat.

I heard someone clear his throat, "Well, now that everyone is here. How about we go around the room and introduce ourselves?"

With my head still angled toward the ground I looked up at the speaker through my bangs. He was very handsome and his accent was very French. Unmistakably French, actually. He ran his fingers through his blond hair, which was gorgeous and long, his blue eyes zeroing on me. "Hello, would you care to go first, _mon chou_?"

 _Uh what did he just call me? And no. No, I would not._ I kept my head down and shook it vigorously, my shame only increasing.

 _Oh man, now they're all going to think I'm super weird. I should've just gone._

 _But, I had no idea what to say! The words were just gone._

 _I hate this. This is what I call torture._

I struggled to pay attention. I wouldn't want to be disrespectful of the person speaking so I did my best to curb my anxiety and look up at the people surrounding me. I turned my attention to the person currently speaking, who was a woman dressed stylishly. She introduced herself as Felicyta Lukasiewicz. She was incredibly flamboyant and seemed excited that she was allowed to go first. I listened patiently, glad everyone was paying attention to her, rather to me.

While I was listening intently, the sound of a daintily quiet snore startled me and I whipped my head to the side. Sitting next to me on the right side was a sleeping woman. I furrowed my brow and looked around the room, hoping a solution would appear. Should I let her sleep or wake her up?

I found my answer when my gaze landed on the therapist who had previously introduced himself as Francis Bonnefoy. He happened to glance at me and noticed my plight. He mouthed to me, "Will you wake her up?" I gave a curt nod and turned back toward the sleeping woman. I steeled myself and gently shook her shoulder.

She didn't respond.

I shook her shoulder a little harder.

Again, no response.

 _Crap. What do I do._

I looked back to Francis for help, but his attention was focused on another patient. This time it was a cheerful man with a bright smile. He said his name was Antonio.

I continued to stare at Francis with varying degrees of intensity, hoping he would notice and give me further instruction. He didn't.

I almost groaned. _You've got to be kidding me!_

 _Okay, focus. What's the best way to wake her up without being noticed?_

My gaze fell to her long brown hair, which was all gathered to the side and draped over her left shoulder. Which happened to be the side I was sitting on. Without giving myself time to wimp out I reached out, grabbed a strand of her hair and pulled on it.

One can never underestimate the pain of hair being pulled out. Especially if you did it right. Small clumps are best as they produce the most pain, but if you go too small, like for instance a single strand, it could go unnoticed. On the other hand, if you pull too much hair it won't hurt bad enough. It's all about balance.

The woman immediately jumped in her seat, a wild look in her eyes. After her initial shock she mellowed considerably, her movements becoming sluggish as she rubbed her head. She turned to me after a couple of moments, as if just remembering what side the pain had come from. She gazed at me, her green eyes half-lidded like she was exhausted.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to her quietly. Oh man, this is awful. I ruined this lady's nap, she must be so upset.

I watched as she opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off my Francis, "Hespera! So, glad you're awake. Would you care to share?"

I caught a flash of annoyance in her eyes as she turned toward him she gave a brief pause and spoke, "Not particularly, no." I was surprised at the venom in her voice. I certainly wasn't expecting it, she seemed level-headed.

Francis smiled at her, "Hmm, that's too bad. It's your turn. Please, introduce yourself."

She grumbled something under her breath irritably and opened her mouth to speak. But, she was cut off again by a snicker from across the room. I turned to find a sinister seeming man. His tan skin was a stark contrast to the white mask he wore. _Wait, what? A mask?_

Hespera left another pause before she retaliated, "Shut up. If you have a comment, Sadiq, keep it to yourself." She all but growled.

Sadiq crossed his arms and gave her a smug grin, "I didn't say anything. Therefore, I didn't comment."

There was another pause, which I finally realized wasn't deliberate. Hespera was thinking about what she was going to say. I observed her thoughtfully, her comments didn't seem very thoroughly thought through. In fact they all sounded very rash when she spoke. How peculiar.

"You snickering bastard." She bit out, her anger increasing.

"Oh, you wanna go? Bring it on Hespera!" He jumped from his seat and all hell broke loose.

In a flash the man sitting to my left, who was previously bouncing his legs like he was about to explode from excitement, leapt to his feet exclaiming, "Don't worry, Francis. The Hero will stop them!"

After his declaration a new voice entered the ongoing verbal battle between Sadiq and Hespera. It was a woman's, she was telling the "hero" to shut up and that he was a bloody git. But, her words were quickly drowned out by everyone in the room bursting into shouts and threats. One woman picked up her metal folding chair and threw it at the wall.

My eyes darted around the room as I took in the chaos. It was terrifying. People were throwing punches and screaming. There was a girl in the corner with her hands over her ears rocking. There was a boy that hadn't joined in at all, like myself, he was just sitting there watching with an indifferent expression, unlike me. The woman with the folding chair had another one (or was it the same one?) and was repeatedly slamming it into the wall. Francis was struggling to break up some of the fights, but it seemed to be in vain.

Seconds later men in white coats rushed into the room. They tackled and subdued the worst of them. Like the chair lady and the people in fist fights.

I didn't notice Silvia when she rushed into the room and grabbed my arm. I turned to her with terror in my eyes. She just gave me a reassuring smile and lead me back to my room.

When we returned I realized it was bed time. Silvia set me on the bed and left the room, returning with something to knock me out. She said something about being really sorry about my first day. It turns out that I was put in the difficult group. I just nodded, with the artificial physical exhaustion setting in, it was getting hard to focus. Silvia noticed and left me to sleep.

I was thankful I didn't have time to think about the day's events before sleep consumed me.

* * *

 _ **Ah, man. I really hope this didn't freak anybody out. I plan on making this a little more light hearted. Or at least I'd like to try. I recently found out that I've got some pretty severe mental problems. It was kind of a super horrible realization, but also nice. If that makes sense. It was horrible being told that the way I think isn't normal. But, at the same time it felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders, because things are hard for me for a reason. It's not just in my head.**_

 _ **I think a lot of people are disturbed by mental disorders. Personally, I think it makes some of us a little more human. We all have faults, you know?**_

 _ **So I got to thinking that a lot of characters in Hetalia definitely pass for having mental disorders and that it might be fun to do an AU. The setting is actually inspired by an episode of Psych (Shawn, Interrupted) and I plan to talk about a lot of characters, not just Fem!Japan (who has generalized anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder).**_

 _ **Note: I'm no expert by any means. This fic will probably not be entirely accurate. I will try my best to display their situation and disorders as respectfully, as correctly, and as positively as possible.**_

 _ **I'll tell you what each character has when they are explained more in depth.**_

 _ **Another note: Some characters will seem OOC. This because I have given them the symptoms for their disorder. Some characters may have a disorder that makes no sense. I'm so sorry if this bugs anyone. But, it's probably because I couldn't find one that I felt fit and just chose one closest to it.**_

 _ **I hope that this isn't offensive to anybody. Mostly because I'm writing this for myself as a therapeutic outlet and that would suck and I'd feel awful.**_

 _ **Thanks again for reading.**_

 _ **-FRA**_


	2. Sleeping Beauty & The Beast

I've decided that I'm sick of the pitying looks I've been getting from the staff whenever I have one of my episodes. I'm glad they get that I act the way I do for a reason, but I don't need their sympathy. I'm used to the way I feel. I've always felt like this, it's normal for me. I only just found out that my fears and insecurities are too severe to be normal.

It has been about a week and Silvia still brings my pills. But, she hasn't forced me into another group session yet. When I asked about it she said that she was instructed to wait until my meds kick in for that. Then, they will try again.

I just about cried thinking about having to go back.

My one-on-one therapy sessions suck. I hate them so much. Edita is very kind and I like her, I just don't appreciate all the probing into my past. I'd like it to stay there, as it was traumatizing. I haven't told her that yet.

I'm not allowed in my room during the day. When I asked "why not?" they said something about regulating my sleeping pattern while I'm here. Silvia brought me to the main room of my hospital wing. I was a little freaked out at first to learn that it's shared by everyone from the group session I had on my first day. But, it's really awesome. It's more like a game room, with a pool table, video games, a library, and a seating area. People are down there all the time when they aren't outside or preoccupied with therapy sessions.

To keep myself from freaking out or being noticed I found the most secluded corner in the room. Behind the seating area, sandwiched between the wall and a very large, very comforting book shelf. There's even an outlet. I can sit there on my laptop to my heart's content, or until Silvia retrieves me at the end of my free time.

But, I find myself watching my fellow patients more often than not. Because, while my hidey hole is useful for keeping the people at a distance, it's also the perfect vantage point of the entire room.

I'm currently interested in the lady that sleeps all the time, Hespera. So far I've gathered that she isn't supposed to be sleeping and that it somehow effects her motor skills and thought process. Most of the time, she's very calm and polite. But, that is only when things are going her way. She seems easily irritable in that respect, like a child.

I want to be her friend. It's lonely in here without my family. But, I'm terrified of her.

 _What if she hates my guts because of what happened before?_

So, I carry on in silence. Observing her and the others. Mostly I've been trying to figure out why she and Sadiq hate each other.

Did they know each other before they came here? It certainly seems so. Most of the time when they are together they're arguing. But, I saw them coexist civilly on my third day here. So I know it's possible.

* * *

It was a Tuesday and Sadiq was muttering to himself on the couch in the main room like he does most days. I try not to pay attention to his mutterings as the usually don't make any sense. I've only ever been able to gather that Sadiq is extremely confrontational and cautious with people. Which is interesting as sometimes he is extra guarded around Hespera and other times he is exceptionally open.

Hespera entered and glanced at him thoughtfully saying, "Good morning, Sadiq."

Sadiq snapped his attention up to her in surprise and replied with, "Morning, Hespera. Nice to be awake with the sun, isn't it?"

Hespera hummed in agreement and sat next to him on the couch. Sadiq seemed incredibly uncomfortable with the situation, but didn't start a fight. He just watched her warily until she promptly fell asleep. Her head rested on the arm of the couch and her legs draped over his lap.

I watched his face as he seemed to wrestle with some inner demon. He was obviously uncomfortable with the situation, with her being so close. Yet still, they remained that way for nearly twenty minutes, which from what I've observed is a record, until he couldn't take it anymore and woke her up with a slew of threats and insults. Hespera threw some jabs back at him, but for the most part she let him push her away with a sad expression.

It was all just too peculiar.

And the fact that I was so interested only made me feel worse.

 _Honestly, do I have nothing better to do than spy and meddle?_

Nope.

* * *

After my hour and a half of free time lunch was served. Have I mentioned how much I love the dining room here? No? Well, it's beautiful and I've decided that I aspire to be rich. Being surrounded by pretty things is too great, honestly.

Glass chandeliers (they aren't crystal, this place is no where near that rich) hung lavishly from the ceiling. About twelve tables seating four were arranged around the room. They were covered with white table cloths, teal cloth napkins, fancy glass cups, and what looked to be decorative silver ware. I was almost afraid to touch anything.

Again, I noticed a lot of familiar faces seated at the tables. Like, the scary chair lady and Felicyta were seated one other woman who looked either depressed or angry, I couldn't decide. The self proclaimed "hero" was seated with two other men (one of whom looked a lot like him). Sadiq was sitting with the man that introduced himself as Antonio and a woman who looked like she was one thousand percent done with everything at the moment. I didn't recognize anyone else.

That is until Hespera almost gave me a heart attack.

"Are you new?" I jumped about thirty feet in the air when she asked from behind me. I whipped around and stumbled back when I saw how close she was.

 _Where did she come from?_

I blinked at her dumbly. We stood there awkwardly until she repeated herself, "Hello. Are you new?"

 _Wait, what? Does she not remember me?_

"Uh, y-yeah. I'm Kiyoko Honda." I bowed my head slightly out of respect. She hummed thoughtfully at my answer and the awkward silence continued.

Then she broke the silence, "Do you like cats?"

 _What is happening...?_ "Um, yes. I do."

She smiled in a manner that might've seemed serene to someone else, but to me it just seemed tired. "Would you like to eat with me?"

My eyes widened. Of course I'd like to eat with her, but that doesn't change the fact that my anxiety hasn't completely dissipated. It would be best if I found a solitary corner and ate there as usual.

 _But, she asked me._

I wrestled with the thought for a few seconds before nodding slightly. I was met with another serenely exhausted smile, "I'm Hespera Karpusi."

New thing I've noticed about Hespera; she doesn't eat a lot, if anything at all. I eyed her plate of corn, mashed potatoes, and salmon. It was barely touched. She took one bite of salmon and would occasionally shovel a small spoonful of corn in her mouth. I noticed that every time she did, she didn't look too excited about it.

"A-are you okay? Does your stomach hurt?" I asked, then almost immediately realized my blunder. _Dang it, keep your mouth shut. She probably doesn't want to talk about it._

But, Hespera set her fork down and looked at me with an expression of indifference, "No. I'm fine. I just don't get hungry very often. But, it upsets Tuuli when I don't eat. I only eat enough to satisfy her nagging." I think that is the most Hespera has ever spoken.

The rest of the meal was met with silence. But, it seemed companionable. It was nice that Hespera didn't feel the need to fill the silence with her voice. After awhile though, I couldn't handle it.

"Hespera." I said, grabbing her attention.

She turned to look at me, "Yes, Kiyoko?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, working up the courage to ask, "Do you remember me from group therapy a week ago? I woke you up from your nap. A-are you mad?"

She blinked, her brow furrowed. Then she shook her head, "No, I don't remember you."

I looked down. _What? How does she-_

Hespera mistook my action as sadness, "I'm sorry. Sometimes I just can't recall things. Tuuli tells me that memory difficulty is a part of my sleep disorder."

I raised my head to give her a quizzical look. She shrugged, "I have hypersomnolence."

"Oh." Was all I said.

 _I'm so articulate._

I cleared my throat and asked tentatively, "Do you mind if I ask how you got it...?"

"No and I'd answer if I knew. But, I don't." I nodded. I can accept that.

Just then she leaned forward, "Alright, I've told you. Now it's your turn, right?"

 _What?! Ugh, please floor; just swallow me now! I don't even have to finish eating, it's fine!_

Edita has told me before that I don't need to be ashamed of my disorders. That it's best to just accept them and work to change it. This is all much easier said than done, "I-I have... g-generalized anxiety." Okay so I wasn't completely honest. But, people tend to get weirded out when I tell them that people freak me out. And we're just getting to be friends.

Hespera smiled at me as a thanks for sharing, I guess. She seemed to recognize how hard that was for me. I was liking her more and more. Which only lead to me wanting to uncover more about her past and her connection to Sadiq.

I groaned as I trudged down the creepy hallway to my room. _Why do I have to be so nosy?_ Dinner had ended a little bit ago and Hespera and I parted ways with the promise to eat together all the time. It made me happy and terrified me all at the same time.

On my way to my room I passed the men's restroom. I could distinctly make out two voices from inside.

Naturally the person inside me that felt the need to know everyone's secrets demanded I stop. I quickly bent down as if tying the shoelaces on the stark white nurse shoes the hospital had provided me with. I brushed my short black hair behind my right ear and strained to hear what was being said.

"Alfred I don't think this is a good idea. You'll surely be caught." A soft voice muttered.

There were sounds of dry heaving and finally what sounded like a full blown vomit. I winced.

It was silent for a time as the faucet in the sink was turned on. It blocked the conversation that followed for the most part. I caught the tail end when it was turned off.

"-thought you were getting better." It was the quiet voice, he seemed disappointed.

It seemed the voice that had thrown up spoke next, "I was, Mattie. But, you know what the lows are like... I just can't-" He stopped speaking abruptly and for a moment I thought I'd been caught. Then the sounds of tortured sobs reached my ears. I took that as my cue to leave and stood, hurrying quickly the rest of the way to my room.

The next day I wondered if I should tell Edita about the puking in the men's bathroom right after dinner as I chatted with her during my morning one-on-one session.

"And how're the breathing exercises working for you?" She asked me.

"I'm still having trouble. I like the grounding method much better. But, they're both helpful. Thank you."

She nodded, "I'm glad. You know, Kiyoko, I think it's worth mentioning to you that you don't have to be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their own problems. Some of us just have more extensive ones. It doesn't mean you're weak or less of a person by any means." She paused and I looked up at her questioningly. "You know what? I've got some homework for you. I want you to befriend your fellow patients. I think you can learn a lot from them."

I gave blinked at her in horror. _Making friends with Hespera was hard enough. But, now... All those people... Oh god._

She gave a sigh, "I'm not asking you to become everyone's best friend. It's just that I think learning more about them would definitely benefit you. Of course, I can't force you. But, I'd encourage you to at least try."

 _So... wait. Is she saying that spying on them isn't bad? That it could help me in the long run? Oh man, I love people watching. If that can help me get better..._

I was pulled from my thoughts as Edita stood and made her way toward the door. She opened it and smiled at me. I stood and made my way over to her. "Um, Edita?"

"Hm, what is it?"

I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves. _This is a good thing, he'll get help._ "Last night... I think it was... Alfred? Uh, bathroom." Was all I was able to say as I scurried from the room.

Once I was out all I could think about was what Edita had said about learning more about my peers. An image of Hespera and Sadiq on the couch drifted through my mind as I mulled it over.

 _Okay, so I want to figure them out._

 _I think I have all I can get from Hespera. That just leaves Sadiq... But, how to approach someone so tense?_

I thought about it all through my morning run. Which I found myself enjoying quite a bit. When I first got here I never would have described myself as athletic. But, on days that I run I'm in a better mood and I sleep much more restfully. I've become dependent on exercise. Honestly I'm glad, it could have been much worse.

After forty minutes of deep thought an idea finally struck me. _What if Hespera and I invited him to join us for lunch?_ As far as I know he sits by himself. If Hespera and I catch him on a good day, one where he's more open with her, I'll definitely learn all I need to know!

And so began my obsessive information gathering on my fellow inmates-I mean, patients.

* * *

"Why would you want to do that?" Hespera inquired, a little dazed as I had just woken her up from a nap with my proposal to invite Sadiq to eat.

I shifted a bit uncomfortably, I hadn't thought this in depth. What excuse should I give?

"It's just that, uh... he's always eating alone! And I know that despite your differences you don't hate each other. I just thought-" She stopped me by raising her hand. _Thank goodness. I was talking way too fast._

"Alright. But, if this ends badly, you're taking the blame."

I beamed at her. _YES!_ I nodded vigorously, "Definitely. Understood!" I had to resist the urge to rub my hands together like an evil villain.

* * *

The time I had been waiting for was finally upon us!

 _Lunch time._

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to get Sadiq to sit at our table. All we did was ask and while he was wary and giving us suspicious looks, he still came. I wondered idly if his therapist had told him something similar to what Edita said to me. We all sat down and I could hardly contain my excitement. _My questions_ will _be answered! You can't stop me. Ahahaha!_ And it was then that I realized the existence of my next obstacle.

 _How am I going to question Sadiq if Hespera is there? Surely she'll suspect my intentions..._

I was too busy thinking about my blunder to notice the growing tension between my eating companions until it was too late.

Suddenly, Hespera slammed her hands on the table, making me jump, and stood, "I'm not hungry." She told us and then she muttered much more quietly, "I need a nap." And she stormed off.

 _What luck._

The tense silence between Sadiq and I was unbearably horrible. I knew I should say something to him. Chances are he'd just get fed up with me and leave too.

But, he surprised me.

"Are you gonna go after her?" He asked me quietly. I looked up at him and found he was remorseful. _This confirms my suspicions. Sadiq doesn't actually want to fight with her._

I mulled it over, "No." I said simply. "She decided to leave. I'll respect her decision. Besides, I said I would eat with you, didn't I?" _I really hope that statement has the desired effect._

Sadiq snorted, "She makes a lot of decisions. Doesn't mean she's right."

 _This is good. This is progress._ "It sounds like you speak from experience."

He looked up at me, tensed and with narrowed eyes. Then a thought seemed to occur to him and he relaxed to a partial stiffness. "Yes." Was all he said.

"When my siblings and I were little, our parents often let us do what we want. We roamed our neighbor like we were gods and we owned every nook and cranny. We were young and brash and often found ourselves in physical danger. We had to learn the hard way that stupid decisions bring about worse consequences. In fact, I have more scars than I'd care to count." I said thoughtfully.

Sadiq leaned forward, "You don't regret your scars? If your parents had just taken more care, you wouldn't have any of them."

Despite the fact that he kind of insulted my parents I ignored it, "And how would they have done that? Not let us go anywhere? We'd have never learned anything except how to hate them. Nothing would have been accomplished. The only way to learn is by learning for yourself."

He shook his head and barked at me, "What value is any of that if you risked yourself?!"

I gazed at him meaningfully, surprised at my own capacity to keep my cool, "It means that I have no one to blame but myself. My parents were never at fault, I made all of those decisions. All of my scars are mine and mine alone."

He stared at me for a long moment then in the direction of were Hespera had gone. The sheer amount emotion I found on his face broke my heart.

 _That's enough for today..._

* * *

 _ **Hespera: Hypersomnolence or Primary Hypersomnia: Basically the girl can sleep. But, it also comes with some stinky symptoms, like: increased irritation, anxiety, slow speech, slow thinking, restlessness, hallucinations, loss of appetite, memory problems, and decreased energy. Hespera only has a select few of these symptoms. Hypersomnolence can result from a physical problem, like a head trauma or tumor.**_

 _ **Sadiq: Paranoid Personality Disorder: Poor guy doesn't trust shit. Symptoms include: suspecting people without sufficient basis, unjustified doubts of loyalty, reluctant to confide in others, finds negative hidden meanings in benign statements or events, holds grudges super hardcore for trivial things, and perceives personal attacks on character or reputation when it's not apparent. Nobody has confirmed what causes it, doctors suggest that it's a mixture of genetic factors, social factors, and psychological factors.**_

 _ **I hope you liked this chapter! I don't think I will actually be able to pull of a lot of humor in this story. It seems to be beyond my capabilities. But, I will continue to do my best to make these characters fun to read.**_

 _ **Reviews are the bomb! You'd light up my world in a fantastic mushroom cloud if you reviewed!**_

 _ **-FRA**_


	3. Together We Are Whole

_**JuneGilbertVivianRaeven: Thank you so much for your review! I really enjoyed reading it. I hope this chapter lives up to your standards as well!**_

 _ **thatmeddlingkid: Ah! That's wonderful! Please stay hooked!**_

 _ **happysamy: Yeah me too! Stupid precious nations.**_

* * *

The next day I felt like a zombie. I had barely gotten any sleep last night, I was too busy replaying my talk with Sadiq. I'd like to say that picking apart conversations takes a lot of work. But, mostly I was just worrying about what I said and if I was out of line. _Dang it. Why do people make everything seem so complicated?_

Silvia greeted me, like she usually does, with a glass of water and a pill cup. I tried not to glare at her as I took the pill and downed the water.  
"Your brother is coming to see you today. He phoned the hospital last night." I blinked up at her as if to say, "Huh?" I handed the glass back to her.

"Which one?" I asked. I have a lot of brothers.

Silvia shrugged, "I'm not sure. Sorry." Then she grinned at me, "Today you will also be returning to group therapy."

"What!? No way!" I cried.

She looked at me confused, "The doctors have observed your progress and your new friends. It's only natural you'd have to go back."

 _What progress?_ I shook my head viciously. _Uh-uh. No way. Sadiq isn't even technically my friend._

Silvia just sighed, "I think you'll feel better about this after your morning run. Please, get dressed. Your brother will be here after you've finished. If you hurry you'll have time for a shower."

On my way outside I noticed a commotion around one of the patient rooms. Standing by the door, chewing on his finger nails was the guy that looked like Alfred. I didn't know his name, but I'm positive the two of them are twins. They are almost always together.

This train of thought lead me to believe that it was Alfred-the self proclaimed hero-'s, room that the attendants and my older brother Yao were all crowded around.

I cautiously approached his brother, "I-is everything okay?" The blond jumped and whirled around to face me, eyes wide. He thought about my question as he turned toward his brother's door then back to me. He blinked back tears and shook his head, "Alfred doesn't want to get out of bed."

"Why? Will he be okay?" I asked suddenly extremely worried.

The man before me shifted from side to side like he was uncomfortable. "Probably not. But, eventually he'll hit mania again." Tears were silently flowing out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said to him, feeling lame and regretting initiating this conversation.

"U-um, Miss...?" He asked me tentatively.

"Kiyoko Honda."

He smiled, "I-I'm Matthew Williams."

I watched him, interested, "What did you want to ask, Matthew?"

"How can you see me?"

I blinked at him, confused, "Is there a reason why I wouldn't?"

Matthew nodded, "I'm dead."

 _Whaaat?_

* * *

Silvia was right, I did feel slightly better about the rest of my day after my run. Honestly, there's nothing like physical fatigue to mellow a person out. Except that my mind kept drifting back to Alfred and Matthew. I couldn't help but worry about them.

 _Is Alfred okay?_

 _Why wouldn't he want to get out of bed?_

 _It seemed like a serious issue. But, Alfred doesn't seem like the type to get so down..._

 _What is this about Matthew being dead?_

 _Is that even possible?_

 _Should I ask some one to confirm he's there and I'm not just seeing things?_

So many questions raced through my mind. I was glad for the running exhaustion. I tend to think and worry less when I'm tired.

When I got back to my room, it was Yong Soo waiting for me. He immediately jumped off his bed and rushed at me, "Hey there, lovely sister!" He cried, engulfing me in an unwelcome hug.

I felt my face go bright red as I quickly pushed him away. "Ack, don't touch me! You know I hate that!" I shook myself in a way that seemed like I was dancing funny in an attempt to get the feeling of him near me out of my head. I crossed my arms in an attempt to stop him from hugging me again when I finished my spastic jive, "What do you want, Yong Soo?"

He pouted, "Aw, why won't you let me hug you? Can I not visit my big sister?"

Gah, he's such a baby. I glowered at him, but stopped myself.

 _He's right. He came all this way, I should at least endeavor to be more accommodating._

I sighed and unfolded my arms, "Maybe you can help me with something."

Yong Soo brightened, "Really?! Yes, I will definitely be useful. Please let me help!"

 _How is he so enthusiastic all the time?_

 _That can't be normal._

"Alright, follow me." I said and began to lead him to the lounge.

Hopefully Matthew would be there and I could get a second opinion from Yong Soo as to whether or not he is actually there.

* * *

I was pleased to find Alfred, the pigtail girl, _and_ Matthew on the couch when I arrived. I turned toward Yong Soo and held my finger to my lips, silencing him. He nodded vigorously and motioned zipping his lips and tossing the key away.

Together we snuck around to my hidey-hole. It was just close enough for us to see and hear what the trio was talking about. I crouched down and motioned for Yong Soo to follow. He just gave me this strange look.

 _Great, now he thinks I'm crazy._

 _Ah, whatever._

I rolled my eyes, grabbed his shirt, and yanked him down beside me. "Okay. You see three people sitting on the couch, right?"

Yong Soo nodded.

"So there's definitely a guy with purple eyes and long hair over there, right?"

He nodded again.

Frustrated, I griped at him. "Is there a reason you're not talking?"

He made a big show of trying to open his mouth and failing miserably.

 _You've got to be kidding me._

Yong Soo motioned to me for a key.

 _Oh my god._

Reluctantly, I pulled a key out of my pocket and handed it to him. He unlocked his mouth and unzipped it.

"Is there a reason why he wouldn't be there?" Yong Soo asked quizzically.

"Probably not. But, earlier today he told me he's dead."

Yong Soo choked a bit, probably on his own spit. "What!?" He shouted.

"Shhh! Holy crap! Shut up! No one's noticed me in here yet!" I whisper yelled at him as I clamped my hand over his mouth. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed my idiot brother's outburst. Thankfully, it was just Matthew, his brother, and the pigtail lady.

They were too engrossed in their discussion to notice us anyway.

"What are they talking about?" Yong Soo asked.

I groaned, "If you'd be quiet and listen, we'd be able to hear them."

"Oh, okay!"

We both strained our ears and leaned forward to catch the conversation.

Matthew was speaking to Alfred in a weak joking tone, "Hey, man. I thought I was the one that was supposed to be dead."

Alfred was silent, then answered, "I'm sorry Mattie. I can't help it."

"These mood stabilizers turn you in to a zombie." Pigtail girl observed.

Alfred nodded, "Pretty much. They are supposed to balance me out, but now nothing makes me happy _or_ sad."

"What about your bulimia?" Matthew asked tentatively.

"I just don't care." Alfred shrugged. "Listen, guys; I'm so tired. I'm going to bed." He turned to Matthew, "Is that all right?"

Matthew gave him a pained smiled, "Do what's best for you, Alfie. I'll be fine."

Alfred stood, patting Matthew on the shoulder, "You're a good brother." He turned to pigtail girl before he left, "Take care of him, Alice. Don't go crazy on him."

Alice crossed her arms, "It's Rory."

"Right, sorry. Just please keep Ida out." With that he shambled off.

Alice(... or Rory?) grumbled something about not having had an episode for awhile, then she stopped. "You can come out now." She turned to look at Yong Soo and I.

It's a miracle I didn't faint right then and there.

I stood and bowed deeply to her and Matthew, "I'm terribly sorry. I-"

Alice gave me a cheshire grin, "It's all right. You're just curious, correct?"

I nodded, my face on fire. All three of them chuckled at my reaction.

 _Oh crap._

My heart rate began to climb rapidly as a feeling of doom settled over me. I wrapped my thumbs over my index fingers, using my middle finger over my thumb nail to increase pressure on my index finger in response. I felt like any moment I'd either explode or fly off like Harry Potter's aunt in the Prisoner of Azkaban. Holding my fingers like I am is a bad habit I picked up. Subconsciously, I think I'm trying to use the physical pain to ignore my emotional distress. Too bad it doesn't work.

No one seemed to notice my emotional agony.

Not that I'm surprised. My issues are often written off by others as shyness. When, in reality the two things couldn't be more different. Being shy is being weary and timid around people you've never met before. It has the potential to go away. What I have is much different. It is a full blown fear of social situations and of being humiliated.

Like right now.

Alice patted the two empty spots next to her. Yong Soo and I obeyed her silent command. "So, what did you want to know?" She asked once we were situated. I blinked a little, just now realizing that her accent was different from when I first heard her speak upon originally entering the room. She had a British accent that sounded very prim and proper then. But, now it was thicker and slightly harder to follow.

"Why are you so chill about telling us... Rory?" Yong Soo answered with another question, tentatively using the second name she referred to herself as.

She shrugged, not noticing Yong Soo's silent second question, "There's nothing wrong with talking about it. Besides, I figure someone else stuck in this shit hole should be able to understand."

"Rory." Matthew warned softly.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I'll do better." Rory answered, bored. "Anyway," She started, throwing her arms up on the back of the couch and placing her feet on the coffee table, "Alfie's literally the most bipolar person, ever. But, up until a year ago no one knew. He was always this super cheeky kid, ya know? Kinda reminded me of a labrador puppy..." Matthew nodded his head vigorously and pointed at her in agreement, as if that was exactly it. "But, one day out of the blue he's a completely different person."

"It wasn't really out of the blue. It was when I my problems first surfaced." Matthew corrected quietly. Rory nodded and flicked her hand, "At first we thought he was just being a lazy bugger because he started skipping his football practice and piloting classes. Then Matthew comes to me and says that isn't it. So, I go over there and find him crying on the kitchen floor because he ran out of milk. It sounds funny, but it wasn't in the slightest. He was so broken up, _I_ felt like crying. After that I forced him to go see the doctor, which was bloody hard by the way."

"Ida threatened to tie him to the roof of her car." Matthew shuddered.

"Who's Ida?" Yong Soo asked.

Rory and Matthew looked at us with big eyes, "Trust me on this; if you were to understand you'd have to meet her and you _do not_ want that." Rory answered seriously.

I gulped. Then noticed that I was feeling much better now. Rory's story had gotten my mind off of my anxiety and I could finally breathe normally. "So, you and Alfred were admitted here at the same time then, right Matthew?"

"Wait, wait! This is a brilliant story. Can I tell it?" Rory butted in just as Matthew opened his mouth. Matthew smiled in a reserved manner and nodded to her.

"All right, so I go over to visit the two of them one day. When I get there, I open the door and out flies Matthew with Alfred on his heels. Matthew stops in front of me and asks me if I'll take him to the morgue. When I ask 'why?' he replies with something along the lines of him 'needing to be with his people'. So naturally I said, 'What people?! The people in the morgue are all dead!' Matthew just replies that he is dead. Naturally, I tell him I won't take him. Then Matthew says that if no one will take him he'll walk and he dashes down the driveway. Alfred and I chased him for five bloody blocks before we finally caught up to him." She turned to Matthew, "You can run ridiculously fast when you want to, you know that?"

Matthew blushed and nodded, hiding his face in his hands.

"D-do you still want to go to the morgue?" I asked him seriously.

He shook his head, "No. I haven't since that day. When Alfred and Alice finally caught me, Alfred took me aside for a chat. He said that there was no way he was going to let me go to the morgue because he didn't want to lose me. 'We're brothers. We stick together no matter what. Do you understand? You can't leave me. I won't let you.' Was what he said. I asked him what I should do. He told me that if I was dead, it was fine. 'You can be my ghost bro.' were his exact words. I think it was then that I realized Alfred wasn't the person we all thought he was. Before that incident, the idea of him needing someone, or _anyone_ was out of the question. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. Not even insults."

* * *

Later, after Yong Soo left, I was contemplating my discussion with Rory and Matthew. From what they said it sounds like Alfred was in a indefinite manic state. He had been living with bipolar disorder long before anyone knew. I guessed that the extreme stress from his brother's delusion was enough to trigger the first depressive state.

I found my heart breaking involuntarily.

I was also preoccupied with Alice and her personalities.

At this point I'm positive there are three.

Alice, Rory, and Ida.

So far I don't know much about Alice, as the only time we spoke was when she was Rory. Rory definitely has a rebellious personality, though. She's cool, I guess you could say. And from what Matthew and Rory said, Ida is very scary and aggressive.

I was interrupted by Sylvia's abrupt entrance, "Kiyoko! It's time for group therapy!" She sing songed.

I groaned and slumped my shoulders, "Is it that time already?"

She grinned, "Yes. Yes, it is. But, I think you'll do great!" Sylvia said enthusiastically as she began herding me to the group room.

"How was your visit with your brother?" She asked conversationally

I hummed in response, "Fine. He didn't mention visiting 'Aniki' even once, so that was nice."

"That's wonderful!" Sylvia all but cheered, even if she had no idea what that meant.

 _This woman is much too happy. Stop that._

We arrived at the group therapy room _way_ too fast. Sylvia gave me a big grin, encouraging me to go in.

I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply.

 _Might as well get this over with._

I opened the door quickly this time, not bothering to listen for what was behind it this time. After I entered I made a bee-line for the empty seat next to Hespera. I was surprised to see her sitting next to Sadiq... and the two of them were having a civilized conversation.

Hespera turned to me and smiled pleasantly, "Hello, Kiyoko. How are you?"

"Fine."

She cocked her head to the side, "You don't seem fine."

Beside her Sadiq gave a hearty laugh, "She's probably terrified. Don't you remember what happened last time she came?"

Hespera shook her head. Sadiq looked pained for a second, "Right... I forgot. Memory trouble." Hespera nodded sluggishly.

"You're not tired again are you?" He asked inscrutably.

Hespera opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Francis starting the session. I heard her huff in annoyance before I turned my attention over to him.

"Good morning everyone. Before we begin, I'd like to welcome all of you here today. Now, who'd like to go first today?"

Today's group therapy session was much more relaxed than my first experience. Which I am very grateful for. I wasn't asked to participate today, either.

I figured it was because Dr. Bonnefoy wanted to get me used to the situation.

So, I listened patiently as everyone shared. There was Matthias, who talked about missing alcohol and mostly about how hard it is to be sober. Lovina, who explained that she felt empty very often. Antonio just wants to be able to accept himself. Even scary chair lady spoke. I was surprised at how pleasant her voice sounded, it was very lady like and soothing. Elizabeta was her name and she anguished over her 'episodes' and how she wished she had more control.

Then, Alfred was asked to speak. I noticed almost everyone in the room was surprised to witness his zombie like behavior. Alfred noticed this too.

"Ah, sorry guys. I'm heavily medicated right now." He apologized.

Dr. Bonnefoy asked, "Would you like to discuss anything, Alfred?"

Alfred blinked at him for a second, "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I was listening and I saw your mouth moving, but I didn't comprehend anything you just said."

Dr. Bonnefoy did and smiled at him reassuringly.

Alfred sighed, "No. Not, really. But, since you asked... I'm bipolar. What sucks is that I had no idea. I used to be happy and productive. I always got shit done, you know? I felt like a super hero. Then one day, Mattie tells me that I either need to have a funeral for him or cremate him because he's dead. Something in me broke after that. I guess the stress of worrying about him was too much. In one day, things that used to roll off my back like they were nothing had me weeping. I was confused. Heroes don't cry. I used to be strong, now sometimes I feel like I'll shatter in to a million pieces. Matthew may think he's dead, but he's in much better shape than I am at this point."

Beside him Matthew smiled, "I guess together we'd make a normal person, huh?"

Alfred shrugged, "Either that or a really messed up one."

Matthew chuckled.

* * *

 _ **Alfred: Bipolar disorder, ADHD, Bulimia nervosa: Yikes! That's a lot of issues, yeah? Not really. Actually it's very common for bipolar disorder and ADHD to kind of feed off of each other. Alfred experiences crazy manic episodes and depressive episodes. During his depressive episodes he is much more sensitive, thus this is the only time his bulimia surfaces. In case you don't know what bulimia is; bulimia nervosa is a food disorder characterized by eating large amounts of food and ridding the body of excess calories by vomitting. Nobody can really tell you what causes bipolar disorder and ADHD, but bulimia stems from low self-esteem and/or a need to control oneself.**_

 _ **Matthew: Cotard delusion and dependent personality disorder: Poor guy is convinced he's dead. And yes, this is an actual thing. It is also sometimes referred to as the 'Walking Corpse Syndrome.' I thought it'd be interesting considering he's invisible in canon. For his dependency, well he mostly just really likes to be taken care of. Symptoms include: trouble making everyday decisions, needs others to assume responsibility, has trouble expressing disagreement, trouble initiating projects, goes to unnecessary lengths to obtain nurturance and support, feels helpless or uncomfortable when alone, and is unrealistically concerned with fears of abandonment. I know, his problems are a little... contradictory. But, Canada is a complicated guy.**_

 _ **Chapter three! Yes! What'd you think, huh? It took a seriously long time and I introduced some new characters by name. Except that now I'm not sure who's next. Leave me a review with a country in it and you just might inspire the next chapter!**_

 _ **-FRA**_


End file.
